


Please Shut Up So I Can Kiss You

by Ghostbunne



Series: Marble Hornets One Shots [2]
Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Alex Likes Jay But Has Some Internalized Homophobia, Alex Likes Rom Coms But Doesn't Admit It Because Stereotypes/Internalized Homophobia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biphobia, Coming Out, Crying, Emetophobia, Fear, Fear of Discovery, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jay Likes Alex But Thinks It's Unrequited, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One Shot, Outing, Panic Attacks, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Prompt Fic, Short One Shot, Sobbing, Surprise Kissing, Tears, Tumblr Prompt, Use of Gay as a Slur, Working Through Homophobia, Working Through Internalized Homophobia, movies - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostbunne/pseuds/Ghostbunne
Summary: “Yeah, I know not every movie has to be good but that one isn’t even bad good I mean…” Alex seemed to bite back his tongue for a moment like he was considering his next words until a strange look crossed his face. “It’s just so gay.”Jay froze like a deer in the headlights when Alex said that, his mouth slightly open as his own words were shocked back into him. For a moment the room seemed frozen in silence.“What?” Was all Jay could muster, his heart feeling like it had just been crushed. Of course. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. Sure Alex had never really spoken about gay people before which Jay realized he had falsely interpreted as meaning he wouldn’t care but in the split second it took for Alex to say those four words the years of Jay preparing to tell him everything sprung back in an instant.“I said it’s just so gay. It’s stupid and…” Alex tilted his head slightly before he turned back to look at Jay. He could clearly tell that the tension in the room had skyrocketed. “Is everything… ok?”
Relationships: Alex Kralie/Jay Merrick, Jaylex - Relationship
Series: Marble Hornets One Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761373
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Please Shut Up So I Can Kiss You

Jay was laying on the couch, Alex sprawled out on the floor with his back against the front of it as they watched movies. It was the third one of the night and like usual Alex continued to talk through all of them about whatever Oscars they had one or what critics had said about them, as though attempting to justify his enjoyment of them as though they had to meet some sort of criteria and not just be something enjoyable to watch. Even if Alex spent half the night talking about random elitist opinions on movies Jay still loved there movie nights, mostly because it felt kind of sort of like a date. Jay watched Alex continue to talk, not paying attention until his brain zoned back in from thoughts of how much he wanted to confess how he felt, but how afraid he was to do so. 

“So, the visual effects, editing, sound and more all came together to make what I personally think is the best movie of 1999. Some people would say Fight Club but they don’t get the message of the movie, and I think the book is better. Someone tried to tell me the Blair Witch Project was a better movie, but it just doesn’t have the same visual effects and I just think that found footage stuff is kind of stupid and won’t last to see 2009.” Jay knew the real reason Alex didn’t like Blair Witch was that it had scared him. They had gone together to see it in theatres at Alex’s insistence. Whilst he ended up enjoying it and considering it an excellent film to be released towards the end of the millennium Alex had spent half the runtime with his eyes closed, desperately clinging to the armrest as he attempted to discern from sound alone if he could look without growing tenser. As soon as they had left the theatre Alex had brushed it off and said he wasn’t frightened, just thought it was so dumb he fell asleep. “The Matrix is also way better than Ten Things I Hate About You. That movie was just a cheesy chick-flick and I don’t get why so many people like it.”

‘It was a cheesy chick-flick that I know for a fact you love.’ Jay thought to himself with a smile as the movie came to a close, Neo flying off into the sky. Jay found it a bit cheesy himself but didn’t say anything, after all, it was Alex’s current favourite movie.

“Okay, your turn to choose,” Alex said to Jay as he stood up and grabbed the stack of DVD cases from nearby the small TV. 

“How about…” Jay drifted off, sifting through the movies before choosing one. “Bowling for Columbine?”

“Ugh, a documentary?” Alex sighed before looking at Jay. His look of disgust faded and he rolled his eyes. “Fine. You’re lucky you picked this one and not…”

Alex pulled a random film from the pile without really looking at it and proceeded to present Jay with 13 Going On 30.

“I don’t think that’s a documentary, Alex.” Jay laughed, sitting up slightly as Alex quickly tossed the box across the room.

“God, my Mom keeps leaving her movies with mine and getting them mixed up,” he said growing flustered. “I don’t even know why she likes those stupid movies, I mean, they’re so girly and dumb and it’s all just stupid schlocky romance.”

“I liked that movie,” Jay said quietly, hoping that for once in his life Alex would stop assuming Jay was going to judge him for watching the odd rom-com. “I thought it was fun. Not everything has to be good, you know.”

“Yeah, I know not every movie has to be good but that one isn’t even bad good I mean…” Alex seemed to bite back his tongue for a moment like he was considering his next words until a strange look crossed his face. “It’s just so gay.”

Jay froze like a deer in the headlights when Alex said that, his mouth slightly open as his own words were shocked back into him. For a moment the room seemed frozen in silence.

“What?” Was all Jay could muster, his heart feeling like it had just been crushed. Of course. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. Sure Alex had never really spoken about gay people before which Jay realized he had falsely interpreted as meaning he wouldn’t care but in the split second it took for Alex to say those four words the years of Jay preparing to tell him everything sprung back in an instant.

“I said it’s just so gay. It’s stupid and…” Alex tilted his head slightly before he turned back to look at Jay. He could tell that the tension in the room had skyrocketed. “Is everything… ok?”

“Yep, it’s fine, just going to go to the washroom because I feel a bit nauseous.” Jay quickly stumbled out before getting off of the couch and entering the nearest bathroom, pulling the door shut and locking it behind him. He wasn’t lying when he said he felt nauseous as he kneeled in front of the toilet bowl desperately trying not to throw up because he knew Alex would hear and start asking questions. As soon as he knew he wasn’t going to he stumbled to the sink. After splashing some cold water on his face he stood up, staring at himself in the mirror. At some point, he had started crying without realizing it and his eyes were now rimmed with a telltale red. He almost punched the mirror before he remembered where he was, his fist falling limply to the counter mid-strike. “God, how could I be so stupid.”

Jay gripped his hair in his hands as he tried to force himself to stop crying. Alex was definitely going to ask questions now and was likely going to connect the dots, and then he’d be the friendless gay freak on campus if the college didn’t find some other way to kick him out first. He jumped when he heard a knock on the door.

“Jay are… are you okay? It sounds like you’re crying.” Alex said, his voice full of genuine concern. Jay backed away from the door as Alex rattled the handle, quickly realizing it was locked. He had to think of something, some sort of excuse. Maybe that he got a text that his grandma died? That would probably work, Alex knew she was in the hospital. “Jay is everything alright? Are you hurt?”

‘Yeah, I’m hurt.’ Jay thought to himself in anger as he desperately wiped away his tears. He stared down one as it rolled off his palm. ‘Alex would probably think this was pretty fucking gay too.’

Jay opened the door and Alex stumbled in from where he had been knocking at it. He looked up, at first glad that Jay was alright before he noticed his tear-stained face and red-rimmed eyes and realized his best friend was not alright at all. 

“Jay, what’s wrong?” He asked as Jay pushed past him into the other room. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah, uh, I just got a text that my grandma died while I was in there and you know I was close with her,” Jay said as he searched his person for his cellphone to help with his claim. Strangely enough, it wasn’t in the pocket he normally kept it in. “I’m just torn up about it, y’know? Hey, did I leave my phone on the counter in there?”

“No Jay, you left it on the floor when you went in there,” Alex said, pointing it out on the ground. As Jay’s alibi crumbled his fear grew and he could feel the tears getting ready to fall again. If Alex figured it out, which he probably would, he could very easily ruin Jay’s life. “What’s going on? Was it something I said?”

When Alex said that something in Jay snapped. Maybe it was Alex’s seeming ignorance, maybe it was that he was tired of hiding, maybe it was a combination of a million things, but regardless of what caused it, Jay lashed out.

“Yeah Alex, it was something you said.” He seethed as he turned back to face him. “Oh, I’m Alex and I only like highbrow cinema! Anything else is girly, or stupid, or gay.”

Jay stressed the final word as he stared into Alex’s eyes. He wore a surprised expression before he collected himself and spoke once more.

“I’m sorry Jay, you said it was something you liked and I shouldn’t have insulted the movie, even if I-” Alex was quickly interrupted as Jay exploded in anger.

“It’s not about the fucking movie you clueless asshole!” Jay exclaimed and Alex was even more taken aback then before. “Do you actually think that I’m- that I’m this upset over a rom-com? Do you really think it’s because you insulted a movie that ten, twenty years from now no one will remember? Alex, I love you but you’re so stupid sometimes!”

Jay didn’t even realize what had slipped out until he looked up and saw Alex still frozen in shock. He quickly backtracked mentally through his words, realizing what he had said. His hands moved to cover his mouth as though it would shove the words back in.

“What did you say?” Alex asked as he moved closer to Jay. Jay stumbled backwards as he moved to get away from him, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Nothing, Alex, it was nothing. Let’s just forget it and watch the movie already.” Jay stumbled over his words as much as he stumbled over the carpet underneath him. “I slipped on my words, I didn’t - I didn’t-”

“Jay, are you… are you gay?” Alex asked. The tension in the air snapped in two as he said it. Jay looked at Alex’s face, expecting anger or hatred or any other negative emotion that would spell out how much his friend hated him now, but instead saw his expression was one of profound sadness. 

“I… I, ” Jay was unsure of how to answer. The two of them stood still as statues on opposite sides of the room. Even if Jay said no Alex had already figured out and would be able to tell he was lying. So instead Jay took a deep breath and forced the confession out of himself. “I am. Please, even if you think differently of me now, even if you hate me and think I’m the scum of the earth, please don’t tell anyone.”

Jay began to sob as what he had just done came crashing down onto him. The only thing he wanted was for Alex to keep it a secret, even if they never talked again.

“Did you… did you say you love me?” Alex asked further. Jay only nodded in response, an intense wave of shame washing over him. “Jay, stop- stop crying, please. I’m sorry.”

Jay looked up at Alex again, confused by how his tone had softened. Alex came closer now, stepping softly before he wrapped his arms around Jay in a tight hug.

“I wish you had told me sooner,” Alex whispered. “I wish you had told me.”

“It’s not that easy, Alex.” Jay sniffed. “It’s so, so scary. I thought- I thought you were going to get angry with me. Blackmail me with it or just outright tell everyone. I wanted to tell you sooner, I wanted to tell you tonight, but then-”

“But then I fucked it up,” Alex responded quietly. “Jay I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you something, but I was scared too, and I said stupid things because I was scared, because I didn’t want you to think that I was- that I was gay.”

“Are you?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I have a crush on Amy but then I also have a crush on…” Alex paused, choking on his words. In between his moments of talking Jay’s heart sunk as he thought about what name Alex could say next. Probably Brian. “I have a crush on you, Jay.”  
“I get it, he- wait, did you say me?” Jay asked, pulling his head away from where it rested on Alex’s shoulder. 

“Yeah. And I don’t know if I like both or if I’ve tricked myself into liking one when I actually like the other or what’s going on with me, but I’m so scared that I’m broken, Jay. That there’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you Alex. You’re not broken,” Jay said to him softly.

“But what if I am? What if I’m just a freak of nature and no one will ever love me? What if I am broken-” Alex began to grow agitated before Jay swiftly interrupted him.

“Alex, please shut up so I can kiss you.” Jay thought to himself. Or at least he thought he did.  
“What?” Alex said, looking him in the eyes again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that out-” Before he could finish talking he was interrupted by Alex grabbing his face and pressing Jay’s lips against his own. Jay was left gasping for air when he pulled away. “I- I liked that.”

“I did too,” Alex replied. “I liked it a lot. But now I feel…”

“Dirty?” Jay interjected. Alex nodded solemnly. “Yeah… That’s normal. It shouldn’t be because there’s nothing dirty about it, but it is.”

“If I am gay then why do I feel so awful about it? Shouldn’t I be happy?” Alex asked.

“It’s a lot more complicated than that, you feel awful because people have told you to feel awful for it. There isn’t anything wrong with it, and if you want it’s something we can work through,” Jay reached out for Alex’s hand. He obliged and Jay squeezed it tightly. “Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt requested by @chelblue on Tumblr! Blog/Prompt list can be found here: https://neoneclectica.tumblr.com/post/189959355508/100-prompts-list-so-this-is-the-prompts-list-if


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